Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
