Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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