HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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