4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
