The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
