Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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