youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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