I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
