i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
