Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
