i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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