There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
