Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
