In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
