He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
