well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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