Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
