When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
