one might say we're banned from that church
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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