dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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