i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
