Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
