My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
