I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We're like a lot better than the average bears
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
