I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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