Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
