I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
