think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
