I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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