when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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