I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
