fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
