im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
