No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
