Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
