so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
