where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
