Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
