Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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