She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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