You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
