Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
