Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
