OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
