what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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