And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
