Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
