Me too!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
