Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
