Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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