on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
