you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
