Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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