I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
