If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
