i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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