That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i will never coherently bang her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
