Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
