using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
is wine microwaveable?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
